My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
