i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
