I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
