My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
