clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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