I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
