meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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