hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
