Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
