we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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