every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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