Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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