it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
