I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
