Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
