I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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