Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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