The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
