we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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