it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
