So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
