just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
