as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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