A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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