So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
