I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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