im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
