i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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