IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
