You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
