I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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