So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
soo... how was my night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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