I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
