it hurts more in the daytime
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
