Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
