Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fuck appropriateness.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
