how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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