I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
