I skipped work to stalk him.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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