The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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