New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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