Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
