I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
