Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
