HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
