Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
