margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
