she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
