so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Two words: nipple clamps
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