Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
