u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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