wrigley field is MILF paradise
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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