i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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