i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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