I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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