I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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