yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did i walk over a car last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
