so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
