Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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