I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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