I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
