I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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