Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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