I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
