I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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