Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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