I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
